Winter

Things I hate about winter

Not wanting to go outside

Being cold

Walking in the snow

It getting dark at 4

Boots especially impractical ones with heels.

Below freezing weather

Winter clothing

Men in scarfs that aren’t for warming their necks

Things I use to love about winter

Being cold

Walking in the snow

Below freezing weather

Things I love about winter

Snow (there’s more I just can’t think of them when I’m cold)

Coco

Scarfs

In my head men talk like women and I’m as horny as a teenage boy

obviously that statement from my coworker had an affect on me I wrote about it twice.   In my head men talk like women and I’m as horny as a teenage boy(I’m as horny as a teenager in reality too I just don’t act on it).

This guy that I caught myself fantasizing about is blond may even have yellow hair, is scrawny, walks with his feet out, has heavy rimmed glasses and may be shorter than me.

He started out the conversation in the typical way, “Will you have sex with me?” I’m sure there must have been more dialog between us that lead up to this I just don’t remember what it was.

And like any virgin would, I replied, “I would love to have sex with you, but I make it a rule to try my hardest not to have sex with someone I just met.”

“So let’s get to know each other.”

“Ok, but it’s probably better you know up front that I try my hardest not to have sex with someone I’m not married to. No matter how sexy he is.”

“You think I’m sexy?” Because what guy wouldn’t ask this question.

“You’re the only guy I know who can wear a kitty shirt and I don’t want to pants you. Well I do but not to humiliate you. I want your pants off for other reasons.”

“Other reasons?” he asks so not to miss understand me.

“Will you have sex with me?” I’m asking him this time. So much for trying really hard.

I’m very sexually active in my head. The other day I was talking to a coworker about missing work because I had hurt my back and couldn't get out of bed. He asked me how I’d hurt it.

After I’d replied with “I don’t know”

another coworker had replied to that same question, “Too much sex” I was delighted with her answer and wondered if she thought I was capable of having too much sex, having sex at all, that I was so gorgeous that men were all over me, or what? Whatever she meant I took it as a complement and wondered if I could be having a ton of sex and if so how come no one’s telling me.  I mean I’m very sexually active in my mind but could I be out here in real life, that is if it weren't for my convictions.

In my head everyone is as much in love with me as I am them. All the guys at work adore me, and the guy (this word has been edited from its original 3 word more reveling words for my peace of mind.) I’m in love with wants me. 

Oh my acing back

My plan was to go to work but not to do much work at all. On the way I practice what I will say. I haven’t full recuperate, my backs still sore. I could wince as I come in the door. I don’t do any of that I walk into the back and hang up my coat and put on my hat. By the time I get on my apron Jeff has already given me my tasks for the day. “Susan is taking me…” somewhere to do something there’s monsters that you need to make but they’re not due till 6:30 so take your time making them.” There was no way out of it I was on duty; there were things to be done and I was the only one there to do them. How much was it going to hurt to make the monsters? To my surprise it only hurt a little. I think my body kicks into over drive while I’m at work apparently even when I hurt. I even managed to get a sauce bucket. The whole time I winced when things were difficult, hoping to get a little sympathy but I don’t think anyone noticed. While they were talking about last Friday and how terrible it was I managed to inform them that I didn’t come to work Saturday because I’d hurt my back.

“How?”

I don’t know

Too much sex. The idea pleased me more than shocked me. I was pleased to find out that I am not like the stereotypical virgin. The idea that I have had sex, too much, was not unthinkable.

It reminds me of a conversation with another coworker where I mistakenly lead him to believe that I had been engaged.

The girl who had suggested that I hurt my back having sex had spent Friday night throwing up poor thing luckily I hadn’t ben able to make it to work or to even get out of bed because it hadn’t been a good day for anyone but at least I was at home.

Little knitted ring

Little knitted ring you wrap around my finger so nicely. Your cute little button calls out to me,” Aren’t I beautiful? Aren’t I cute?” To it I respond “yes you are my sweet beauty, yes you are. Cute; cute.”

I shall wear you on my finger all day. I will take care to keep you dry. 

Apocrypha and Jada

This is a incomplete(oh non-fiction woops) story I started a quite few years ago.

Apocrypha’s mother heard her screaming and hurried into her room “what’s wrong baby?”

Apocrypha sat up and reached for her mother “I had a bad dream”

Her mother hugged her gently than assured her that it was ok. “Go back to sleep dear.  Here’s Mr. Teddy”. Apocrypha lay back down in her bed still whimpering.  Her mother tucked her in gave her a kiss. “Think of happy thoughts dear and you’ll have sweet dreams” she said as she left the room, “Happy thoughts”.

“Like Baby’s?” Apocrypha called after her.

The hospital room was chilly and Adina didn’t want her baby boy to get cold. So she asked her husband to get the blanket from the foot of the bed.

A knock on the door startled the baby Adina cradled him, comforting him “come in”. A nurse entered the room “Ok mommy and daddy, what name have you chosen for this little guy” she asked as she stroked the baby’s head “

“Jada Elam Medad” Hagar said smiling at her son.

“That is a very unusual name.”  The Nurse Replied.

It was an early morning for Apocrypha and even though she was reluctant to get up her mother insisted that she get out of bed. She sat up and put her feet on the cold floor. The smell of bacon and pancakes hurried her down the stairs for breakfast.

“Good Morning Apocrypha” her mother said.

“It’s Aphelia mom.”

“That’s funny I distinctly remember naming you Apocrypha”

“That’s dumb name, none of my friends can even say it.”

“It’s not dumb it’s just unusual and your friend will learn to pronounce it just give them time.”

Jada had to stand on his tip toes to get his lunch pail off the counter. “Hurry up Jada the bus is here. Come give mommy a kiss before you leave”

“Love you mommy”

“Have fun at kindergarten”

“I will Mommy” Jada said as he jumped on to the bus. “Hi Mrs. Hannah”

“Hi Jada, find a seat” Mrs. Hannah said as she pointed to an empty seat.

Jada sat down and pulled a rubber snake out of his backpack and showed it to the boy sitting next to him. “It’s real,” he said to the boy shaking it a little so it would wiggle. The boy backed as far away from the lively snake Jada was waving in his face.

Jada bounced around on his need and put the snake in the face of the girl behind him. “See” “That’s not real it’s plastic” she said taking it out of his hands.

“Hey give that back, it is real it just doesn’t like you” he said as he yanked it out of her hands and plopped back down in his seat.

“Stay sitting Please Jada” Mrs. Hannah said to him.

“He thinks his toy snake is real Mrs. Hannah” The girl said as she rubbed her nose.

“It is real” he grumbled “stupid Girl” he continued only loud enough for the girl to hear.

 “Ryan got an F on that assignment in history,” Apocrypha said to her friend. “it’s a good thing he’s hot.”

“So hot,” her friend responded “so stupid. Is your mom going to let you go to the concert Saturday.”

“I don’t know I asked her but she said we’d have to ask dad and he’s going to say no I just know it.”

“Man, that’s so stupid why can’t moms just say yes and not ask dad”

“Is Ryan Going?”

“Yeah I think so. You have got to come Aphelia”

Jade slammed the front door “mom Wayne’s here I’m going to show him my new bike.”

“Ok, watch for cars.” His mother yelled from the kitchen.

“I can ride my bike standing up. Can you?” he asked Wayne

“Yeah, let’s build a jump”

“Yeah, cool I’ll go get some boards”

 “One more hour till were off.” Apocrypha said after looking at the clock for the tenth time in the last hour.

“You want to come over to my place after work? My Boyfriends having a party” a coworker asked her.

“No I have homework for my design class that’s due Monday.”

“That sucks man, come over when you’re done well probably party through Sunday. There’s a guy coming I want you to meet”

“Oh no not another one of those guys you want me to meet.”

“He’s hot and smart you’ll like him”

“Or not”

“I dare you to go tell that girl you like her.” Jada’s best friend said as he pushed him in her direction.

“Don’t be stupid I don’t like her you do”

“Apocrypha don’t forget to come to my poker night”

“I don’t even know how to play poker, what do you expect me to do there.”

“You’re going to learn to play duh. I have invited lots of people and some guys too.”

“ugh,  ok I’ll be there.”

Apocrypha pulled her cell out of her pocket and walked out of the office to call Racheal…

My soul screams, "I love you."

I wrote this quite a while ago. The earlier version I have memorized and could tell you who I was in love with at the time, the later version drags on don't you think? but I still like it.

My soul wants to shout aloud but has no mouth.

My heart writes love letters but has no postage to send them.

My mind fights its-self about what is truth.

My body has control over my love and though my soul wants to shout and my heart has the words. My mind won’t confess that you’re the one I think about, the only one I long for, nor that you’re the one I love. 

earlier version

My heart wants to tell you,

but my mind wont let my mouth,

so my soul screams, "I love you."

You Fool

 Get out of here you ugly fool

 Who let you in?

 Didn't your mother tell you that women are brutal?

That you need talent to get a beautiful girl.

You will never know who I really am I will never let you come in.

My life is a secret that I am keeping from you

Don’t let that keep you from feeling loved

You are loved just not by me you stupid fool

Get back to your life and stay away from mine

Go back to your girl she misses your ugly face

Go back to her you fool and stay out of my face.

(Man this is mean, I don't even remember who invoked this)

Ask yourself "Do I bathe regularly?"

Men if you’re asking the question am I attractive? First ask yourself these questions:

Do I bathe regularly? (the answer should be yes )

Do I wear deodorant? (The answer should be yes)

Do I smell good? (The answer should be yes or I don’t smell bad)

Do I wear a ton of cologne to hide my stink (The answer should be no)

If you answered yes to at least the first of these questions the answer is yes you are attractive.

Keep in mind that this doesn’t mean that you are attractive to all women nor does it mean you are attractive to most women.

Women have very specific “features” (I will use features because I can’t think of a better word) that make men attractive to them. 

Personality is the most important of these features. A less attractive man can be referred to as a” very attractive man” simply because he has an appealing personality. Likewise the most attractive man can be very unattractive when his personality leaves something to be desired.

So now you should be asking, “do I have a good personality?”

Here are my questions for you:

Are you good to your mother? (You must answer this question, “yes”) I would like to caution all women at this point if any man you are interested in is not good to his mother WALK AWAY because a man always treats his woman with the same amount of respect he treats his mom.

Do you know everything? You can answer this question yes but you must not tell women when they are wrong.

I’m going to let you in on a little secret women don’t like to be insulted and insults that are true are still insults.  A friend of mine took a dance class and one day was asked to dance and she accepted. While dancing he commented on here sweaty hands. She was offended and and never danced with him again even though that meant not dancing.  After that she referred to him as gross and ugly. In contrast she was also asked to dance by a bushy eyebrowed man that was nice and complemented her on her dancing.  When she speaks of him she refers to him as attractive and nice.

Cocky, boast full, proud are not a good thing if all you can talk about is yourself you will be talking to yourself.  That is unless you were asked.

Familiarity plays a role in attractiveness the more you are around someone the more attractive you will become if you have mastered the above points. Stalking is not included in this.

You can Be funny (even funny looking) and still be attractive this man just walked in the room and removed his coat and attempted to through it on the chair next to him but it fell on the floor. It reminded me of the scene of the handsome man tossing his hat across the room and it landing perfectly on the coat rack impressing all the lady’s that observed it.  Though he failed at that trick I was still impressed because it was amusing.

In conclusion, if you bathe and are good to your mother you are attractive.  

How does it make you feel when I force you to stop for me?

When I get to a cross walk no one stops but they’re supposed to. So I carefully step out in to the road giving the chosen victim plenty of time to see me, plenty of time to stop. Staring them down each step I take further into the street so that if need be I can run or jump out of the way before they hit me. Some step on the gas and speed past me in the center of the road, others stop but are growling at me, but my favorites’ stop and smile and wave back at me like it was their Idea to stop for me.

How to know

How to know you’re an outstanding citizen

When you’re in a bad mood now one can tell

How to know you’re an outstanding athlete

When you’re in pain no one can tell

How to know you’re an outstanding food services employee

When you’re sick you still go to work, When you’re in a bad mood now one can tell, nor can they tell when you’re in pain

Not Really Alone

Not Really Alone

Dear Lover/Facebook stalker:

Dear Lover/Facebook stalker:

I wrote this quite a while ago and have since stopped sharing the majority of my feelings on Facebook and have switched to writing long drawn out essays about feelings that for the most part I plan on publishing after I'm dead.

Plump and Pleasingly Pleasant

Plump and Pleasingly Pleasant

Praise The LORD I'm Growing Old

Praise The LORD I'm Growing Old
Is something I wrote on my last birthday!

To All That I am a Slave

I don’t want to work; I don’t want to play, I just want to sit around the house all day

I don’t want to think; I don’t want to speak, I just want to turn off my brain and hope it doesn't leak.

I don’t want to primp; I don’t want to bathe, to all that I am a slave.

I don’t want to work; I don’t want to play, I just want to sit around the house all day

 This is as good as it got today. yesterday I got nothing except for the love note I embedded into a photo to glitch it.